Comments on: How To Say No With The Empathy Sandwich

By: How To Write a Thank You Card That Actually Says Thanks

How To Write a Thank You Card That Actually Says Thanks — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:17:14 +0000

[...] building your relationship.How To Word Your Thank You CardIn a previous article, I discussed how to say no with the empathy sandwich. Briefly, one of the points I note is that fact driven notes (in particular with email) can come [...]

By: ajlopez

ajlopez — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 11:06:56 +0000

How To Say No With The Empathy Sandwich http://bit.ly/3pKMm1 (via feedly)

By: Sid Savara

Sid Savara — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 20:35:30 +0000

Hey Sandra,

Thanks! Don't worry about hurting my feelings though. You can feel free to
continue to be blunt to me and come off as a jerk =P

You know I was thinking, I wonder if it's good to do this in group settings
- because who knows, maybe the person I say no to doesn't take offense, but
people watching DO see me as coming across as very blunt

Do research, report back!

By: Sandra B. Fan

Sandra B. Fan — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:41:24 +0000

This entry is my favorite from your blog. It's useful, thorough and hasn't (afaik) been covered anywhere else before. I do just give a blunt “no” a lot of times, and I think I just come off as a jerk, so this will be helpful! :-) Thank you for the great article!

By: _McLaughlin

_McLaughlin — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:29:01 +0000

RT @sidsavara How To Say No With The Empathy Sandwich http://tr.im/CIAC

By: Cross-Culture Tweets – Week 43 of 2009

Cross-Culture Tweets – Week 43 of 2009 — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 14:51:16 +0000

[...] to say no with the Empathy Sandwich by [...]

By: Sid Savara

Sid Savara — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:21:40 +0000

Thanks Cath!

I think you're right on, and there is certainly a place for a more
authoritative “no.” I think that too often I simply say no without
explanation, and this advice is directed at me as much as anyone else =)

By: cath duncan

cath duncan — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:39:03 +0000

thanks for the really useful, specific tips on saying no. It's especially great for people-pleasers who get their knickers in a know when they want to say no but have too much guilt to do so. I think there are times when it's useful to say a simple "no" without an explanation or any of the empathic stuff. This can convey more authority and sometimes you need to do that, but I think your empathy model would be useful in a lot of situations.

Great stuff!

Cath

By: Sid Savara

Sid Savara — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:27:50 +0000

Hi Paul,

Thanks for your comment! You know, I'm not sure whether it works with
putting a "yes" between two "nos" as you put it - I wonder whether anything
positive that is said then comes across as insincere.

I think having two positive things (empathy) and one negative (decline) can
also come across as insincere though, if the empathy isn't real. In this
case, I'm not suggesting anyone make things up - I'm just suggesting a way
to get empathy across, while still maintaining that no, I can't be of
service =)

By: Sid Savara

Sid Savara — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:25:47 +0000

Hi Char,

Thanks for your comment! I'd love to hear how it goes and works out for you
next time you discuss it with the charity =)