The Zealot’s Dilemna

zealot. noun. (from Greek zelotes, “emulator, zealous admirer or follower”): A fanatically committed person.

dilemma noun. (from Greek “double proposition”): A problem offering at least two possibilities, neither of which is practically acceptable

What do you do when you just know someone is doing something wrong, something that will hurt them in the long run – but you can’t change their mind?

How about if you’ve been down the same path they’re currently going down, made the mistake they’re about to make – and yet they won’t listen to you?

And finally – how can you be so sure you’re right anyway? What if your belief, no matter how deeply held, is wrong?

Today’s article is a bit of a break from what we’ve been talking about recently, about a concept that I’ve personally been struggling a bit with: what I call the zealot’s dilemna.

The crux of the zealot’s dilemna is this:

If you believe that your opinion is correct, and another person’s opinion is wrong,
And you believe the other person would benefit from changing their opinion:
Should you attempt to persuade them to your way of thinking – or do they have a right to their own opinion?

Or, more succinctly:

Are other people entitled to their own opinion even when you know you’re right?

This is something that I personally have struggled with quite a bit, and I am sure you may be able relate based on how deeply held your beliefs are (and especially how much they have benefited you directly) in areas such as:

Pessimistic/Optimistic/Realistic Outlook On Life
Religion/Spirituality/Inner Peace
Political Affiliation/Public Policy
Computers: Mac/PC/Linux
Personal Habits: Nutrition, Sleep, Positive/Negative Influences, etc

I’m sure there are others, but these are disagreements that come up over and over again.

To take political affiliation as an example, we’ve all met people who live and breath perhaps one political issue. And they want to change your mind about who to vote for, donate money to, or even volunteer on their campaign for a candidate (or a cause).

Let’s dig in to a couple of perspectives on the issue.

One View – Let People Think For Themselves

One perspective (and one that I generally share) is that people are intelligent and deserve to make up their own minds based on their own principles. That doesn’t mean I never disagree – I am willing to share my opinion, and give reasons why I believe what I believe. If someone doesn’t agree with me though, then regardless of how strongly I believe something, I will often let people believe what they want.

There are a few reasons I have this opinion:

Freedom of Thought and Speech. Broadly speaking, I think people have a right to decide and make up their own minds – even if I disagree with them.
People Will Learn From Their Mistakes. I think it’s worth sharing my opinion with people, but if they don’t take my advice, I think it’s healthy to let them learn from their mistakes.
The Golden Rule. I don’t like people pushing their beliefs on me – and so I don’t push mine on other people either.

Is this easy for me to do? No.

In fact, the reason I called it the zealot’s dilemna is because it is a dilemna for me. I often find myself torn between keeping my mouth shut, and wanting to speak up because sometimes I feel I owe it to people to tell them.

The Flip Side – Do You Owe It To Them To Tell Them?

Imagine if you will someone who believes that if they jump off a skyscraper they’ll bounce, and will be able to walk away unharmed. Ridiculous right?

Surely in such a situation you owe it to the person to stop them from taking such action – this isn’t a mistake they’re likely going to recover from, and it is literally a matter of life and death.

In real life though, the decisions people make are rarely so obviously wrong and harmful. Still, there are times when I wonder if I owe it to people to share what I’ve learned. Consider for example:

Irrational, Psychological Traps. Gambling, addition, smoking and other self destructive behaviors that make it difficult for them to rationally evaluate and break out of their behavior. If someone is caught up in these, I find it difficult to hold back – because based on my research, they aren’t able to clearly think for themselves/
Irrecoverable Mistakes. While people are resilient and able to bounce back from just about anything, when I think someone is going to make a massive mistake that will cost them years or decades of happiness – say a choice I disagree with in business or relationships for example – it’s again difficult to bite my tongue.
The Role of A Mentor. Many people come to me because they know they can count on my support based on our relationship through the years. There are times when I believe a mentor needs show show support – but there are also times when I believe it’s a disservice to not speak up and let someone know they’re about to make a critical mistake.

Is It A Moral Imperative?

This reminds me of Kant’s concept of a moral imperative.

Moral imperative: A thing that must be done because it is right, regardless of opposition or difficulty (from Encarta).

I think it’s a fine line to walk, saying that you have to speak up in someone else’s best interest. This is definitely not something to be abused, though I believe it frequently is.

Very often, I think people pretend they’re acting out of moral imperative, saying it’s in “your best interest” – when it’s really their personal opinion that they feel strongly about.

Finally there is something else that I often wonder about …

How Do You Know You’re Right?

I am not sure how often people consider this, but how do you know you’re right? Whether it’s politics, religion, health or general life perspective, how can you know that your way is the best way?

Isn’t it possible that sometimes when people their best, well intentioned advice – that it can also be bad advice?

I think about this a lot myself – when people tell me what I can or cannot do, or when I am tempted to try to stop someone from making what I believe is a foolish decision.

Before I speak, I ask myself – how often have I been wrong before? How often have I been absolutely certain in my convictions, and still made incorrect, regrettable decisions?

Coming Soon – Productivity Workshop

A quick announcement, I’ve been working on a productivity workshop for the past couple years. It’s almost ready – I anticipate it’ll be released December 16th to the public.

I’ll be offering it early and for a discount to those on the personal development 101 newsletter, so if you want in – make sure you’re on the list. And that’s all I’ll say about that for now.